“I understand that. But, Liza, he does stuff to you. You have changed. Look at you! He buys you dresses because he does not like it when you wear jeans and a t-shirt. He buys you high heels with higher heels then what you like to wear because he loves it. He even makes appointments for you at the hairdresser he chooses, so they cut your hair the way he likes it and put highlights in the way he wants them to be. Just so you look the way HE wants you to look and he can showcase you, like one of his prized possessions. Look how he shows you off everywhere. You are like a neat and precious accessory. And what about us? We struggle to keep our movie night going. Not mentioning going out together anymore. He gained so much control over you! He has a way of making you do what he wants you to do. You are no longer living you life. Is that really what you want?”
I have recently received a comment on a post about bullying, which I wrote on my other blog and it made me think of my main character in my Trilogy. While writing the story I picture her being under the control of this guy and loosing more and more of herself. Suddenly, while writing the comment for the said post, I realized, that having control over someone and shaping this person into someone else is actually not far from bullying itself. Of course it depends on the intensity.
Being in a relationship means for me to accept a person for who this person is with all their strengths and weaknesses. In order for a relationship to work it needs compromises of course but it should never mean that one has to give while the other one only takes.
There are so many different ways of bullying. Some are “gentle” and hidden and move step by step in order to get what they want, in order to hurt or control. Others are out there, aggressive in a psychological or maybe physical way, but for sure more “hands on”.
Nobody is immune against the tools a bully can use. It does not matter how confident you are, there are always ways to get to you. And I want to show this in my trilogy. My main character is confident and she also does a martial art (Krav Maga) which builds this confidence. Still she falls for the tricks this guy has up his sleeve and he manages to manipulate her.
Bullying is a serious thing and something that I have encountered too, even though not as bad as it seems to be nowadays.
I wish everyone going through this would find a way out and find back to a better place. Kind of like in a story, in a movie or in a book.
© 2015 Author SB Mazing