Under The Influence

“I understand that. But, Liza, he does stuff to you. You have changed. Look at you! He buys you dresses because he does not like it when you wear jeans and a t-shirt. He buys you high heels with higher heels then what you like to wear because he loves it. He even makes appointments for you at the hairdresser he chooses, so they cut your hair the way he likes it and put highlights in the way he wants them to be. Just so you look the way HE wants you to look and he can showcase you, like one of his prized possessions. Look how he shows you off everywhere. You are like a neat and precious accessory. And what about us? We struggle to keep our movie night going. Not mentioning going out together anymore. He gained so much control over you! He has a way of making you do what he wants you to do. You are no longer living you life. Is that really what you want?”

I have recently received a comment on a post about bullying, which I wrote on my other blog and it made me think of my main character in my Trilogy. While writing the story I picture her being under the control of this guy and loosing more and more of herself. Suddenly, while writing the comment for the said post, I realized, that having control over someone and shaping this person into someone else is actually not far from bullying itself. Of course it depends on the intensity.

Being in a relationship means for me to accept a person for who this person is with all their strengths and weaknesses. In order for a relationship to work it needs compromises of course but it should never mean that one has to give while the other one only takes.

There are so many different ways of bullying. Some are “gentle” and hidden and move step by step in order to get what they want, in order to hurt or control. Others are out there, aggressive in a psychological or maybe physical way, but for sure more “hands on”.

Nobody is immune against the tools a bully can use. It does not matter how confident you are, there are always ways to get to you. And I want to show this in my trilogy. My main character is confident and she also does a martial art (Krav Maga) which builds this confidence. Still she falls for the tricks this guy has up his sleeve and he manages to manipulate her.

Bullying is a serious thing and something that I have encountered too, even though not as bad as it seems to be nowadays.

I wish everyone going through this would find a way out and find back to a better place. Kind of like in a story, in a movie or in a book.

 

© 2015 Author SB Mazing

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12 Comments

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  1. I like the quote at the beginning … I agree that it constitutes bullying and it’s also a good description of the interpersonal groundwork for some pretty serious psychological (and often physical) abuse if relationships like that are allowed to continue.

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  2. wonderful posts! bullying of all kinds is really a universal problem. everyone (even the bullies) have been bullied by someone during their lives. i went through it in middle school, but i believe it made me a more compassionate person in the end. thanks for sharing! ~The TJ Blog

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  3. abusers in personal relationships are bullies – whether the abuse is physical or emotional. And one of the biggest early warning signs of an abuser, is the control over what the victim wears, goes, etc. So yes, I think there’s a strong parallel to be made.

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  4. Nice excerpt and post. I agree with you. Bullying is demeaning, even when done passively. It sends a message to the victim that they’re not worthy of respect and affection. They have to “please” the bully in order to earn it.

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  5. Yes bullying does have so many forms, but all equally as damaging.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bullying is certainly a serious topic in today’s world as well as in the world of the past. We can’t change the past, but with proper education, and with recognition of the problem as it occurs in the present, hopefully we can change it in the future. If you’re writing is reflective enough of those goals that you seek to present, then it becomes important writing, and you yourself become part of the solution. With that I wish you all the best, we need many more people who are willing to become part of the solution.

    Liked by 1 person

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